You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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