Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
