It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
love makes seman taste better
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
