i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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