He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
