Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
