You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im having a threesome with these popsicles
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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