I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
