I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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