Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up under a house in Key West
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