Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
