This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
