did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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