I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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