I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
