I think i peed on brittanys purse
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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