Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
