The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
