I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
