I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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