You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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