He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
