I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
