ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
