Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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