Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
