No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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