nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
