I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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