You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
