Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Michael Bay diarrhea
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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