Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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