I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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