Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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