You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
