its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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