trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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