dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
