Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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