**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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