Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.