dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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