Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
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I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
