Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n