and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
