just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
