Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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