She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Houston, we have a squirter
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
