hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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