Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize