Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
