you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
