My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
