Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
