He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
