Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
