well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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