you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
