hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
