I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
