I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
