Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
