i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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