nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
