She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
