ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize