I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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