why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
