guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
