Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
