This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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