Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize