He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
50% drunk capacity currently
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
