So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
