Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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