now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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