So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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