there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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