4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
