I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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