I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
