I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
