Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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