I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
