I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
