question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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