On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
