I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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