It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
