If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
