my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My vagina just recognized that song.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
