butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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