I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
