there's paper in my vomit.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she looked like the before picture.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
