There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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