maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
