just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
