'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
